10 tips for everyone who is planning a trip to Portugal

 

1-Is there a reason to dress like a clown just because you are on holiday? Why is it that so many tourists that arrive here think bermuda shorts is the appropriate wardrobe to visit Portugal? We would appreciate it if you could keep your flabby white legs to yourself. Thank you.

2-The official language of Portugal is portuguese. Keep that in mind. Never say something like "gracias" or "buenos dias", unless you come from a spanish speaking country. People might get the impression you are mistaking Portugal for Spain and that is not very nice.

3-Prepare yourself to be robbed. And I don't mean by pickpockets or such. You should also concern yourself with other types of robbery. If the price they charge you in a "tourist trap" restaurant doesn't sound right, it probably isn't right. Double check. Don't allow yourself to be fooled. The same thing goes for souvenir shops.

4-This brings us to tip number 4: Traditional portuguese craftwork does not usually include the label "Made in Singapore".

5-Don't act like you own the entire country. We don't care about how much money you have or about the strategic or economic importance of "back home". You are guests, we are your hosts. Behave accordingly.

6-If you come from northern Europe, please watch your step. Most portuguese are considerably shorter than a medium-built swede or norwegian.

7-Ladies, beware of "professional latin lovers", obnoxious, ugly little men with bad personal hygiene and lots of gold chains around their necks who hunt blonde, lonely tourists of the female kind. I don't care about the fact that they only want money and a boost on their masculinity, the warning is simply because it is not very pleasant seeing a danish beauty being dragged around by a smelly midget truck driver on vacation.

8-If you keep complaining about everything in Portugal, how about going back home? Nobody invited you in the first place. If you didn't know what to expect, it's your fault. Next time, do some research (like visiting this website, for instance).

9-Never but NEVER turn the television on while you are in Portugal!

10-And finally, Portugal is a hot country but only during summertime (and still, not always). It is not very nice to be under heavy rain and strong wind with shorts and a t-shirt.